Friday, August 31, 2007

Putting yourself out there

Did you ever have the dream that you are giving a speech, naked? Have that anxiety before the first day of school? Have you put yourself "out there" only to worry about the consequences?
This seems to be the current theme of my life. Last week was the first week of school for my 1st and 3rd graders. Molly, my first grader, was (and still is) worried about making friends on the playground. "What if they run away when I ask them to play?" And sadly, that is what first graders do, when they don't know what to say. Mary, 3rd, was worried about getting the new teacher. I am sure the new teacher was just as worried about her class full of young eager faces.
My out on a limb experience came in the form of an art project. As you may have read in our springtime blogs, Kerry and I occasionally give each other assignments. It was my turn, and I chose wooden boxes as the controlling form. We decided to make it a multipurpose project and choose one of the the listed themes from Stampington, so that if we liked our project we could submit them for their Somerset Studio publication. The theme we choose was GREEN. My box was a study of Luck and Envy. Envy on the outside, luck on the inside, with depictions of what others may be envious of and what some may find with simple luck.
When it came time to send in our projects for the publication, we reached a block. First, we couldn't find the address. The next time we tried to ship, we didn't have the right boxes and packing material. Finally, we got it together and packed and shipped the projects. We have no idea if they will ever be used. But putting it out there to be judged was a bit scary.
I guess that's how it is with life. If you put yourself in a position to be judged and assessed, that can be a bit frightening. It might be as simple as cooking a meal for a new friend, reconnecting with an old friend, or throwing a party. There are always the lingering questions, have I done it right? It could be as life changing as applying for a new job or quitting an old one and the question is have I made the right decision?
In the end, I hope that I have done the best I could with what I have. And, I hope that others have done the same.