Irish Wit and Wisdom

An elderly couple were driving through County Kerry, Ireland. Irene was driving when she got pulled over by the Gardai, who asks her, 'Ma'am did you know that you were speeding?'

Irene turns to her husband, Mick and enquires, 'What did he say?'

Mick yells out, 'He says you were speeding!'
The Garda said, 'May I see your license, please ma'am?'

Irene, once again, turns to Mick and says, 'What did he say?'

Once more, Mick, shouts out, 'He wants to see your license!'

Irene gives the policeman her driving license.

The Garda retorts, 'I see you are from Kerry. I spent some time there once and had the worst date I have ever had.'

For the final time, Irene turns to Mick and asks, 'What did he say?'

Mick yells very loudly, 'He thinks he knows you!'

Toast to the New Year

May you have warm words on a cold evening, a full moon on a dark night, and a smooth road all the way to your door.

-Traditional Irish Toast

Irish Wit and Wisdom

Paddy and Seamus were walking home from the pub. Paddy says to Seamus, 'What a beautiful night, look at the moon.'

Seamus stops and looks at Paddy, 'You are wrong, that's not the moon, that's the sun.' Both started arguing for a while when they come upon a real drunk walking in the other direction, so they stopped him.

'Sir, could you please help settle our argument?

Tell us what that thing is up in the sky that's shining. Is it the moon or the sun?' The drunk looked at the sky and then looked at them, and said,

'Sorry, I don't live around here.'

Irish Wit and Wisdom

A Texan walks into a pub in Galway, Ireland and raises his voice to the crowd of drinkers. He shouts, 'I hear you Irish are a bunch of drinkin' fools. I'll give $500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back to back.'

The room is quiet and no one takes of the Texan's offer.

Paddy Murphy gets up and leaves the bar. Thirty minutes later, he shows back up and taps the Texan on the shoulder. Is your bet still good?' asks Paddy.

The Texan answers, 'Yes, 'and he orders the barman to line up 10 pints of Guinness.

Immediately, Paddy downs all 10 pints of beer, drinking them all back to back. The other pub patrons cheer and the Texan sits down in amazement. The Texan gives the Irishman the $500 and asks, 'If ya don't mind me askin', where did you go for that 30 minutes you were gone?'

Paddy Murphy replies, 'Oh................... I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could do it first.'

Irish Wit and Wisdom

You can keep away from the rogue, but you cannot keep yourself safe from the liar.

Irish Wit and Wisdom

"He who gets a name for early rising
can stay in bed until midday"

Here's to taking it easy lately. Enjoy an extra cup of coffee this morning.